As for why I am writing now, at this point in my life, the story begins to get more personal and a little more straightforward. I will begin by telling you that the main reason I did not responded more quickly to God’s call to discuss these gifts openly is, quite simply, that I was afraid. I was afraid to make public the statements I wrote in the first two chapters. These statements can clear a room in roughly three seconds and leave one feeling very alone. The problem is that I believe they are the truth and perceive that God will not allow me the luxury of being politically correct or popular any longer.
It is like being at a dinner party where you are the only one who believes that the square root of nine is three. You know this is the truth but do not want to offend your friends by speaking out; you do not want to be ostracized. However, at certain point, at a certain dinner party, you feel that enough is enough, and you declare with dogmatic certainty that the square root of nine is, in objective reality, three! Alas, though, your friends tell you that this statement is rude and inconsiderate for there are a number of people at the party born oriented to believe otherwise, or conditioned so; therefore, you keep silent, smile, and quietly write a book for fear your friends will invite you to no more dinner parties! Well, my dinner party invitations from those of the feel-good, relative morality crowd might be over, for we and our children are in a deadly spiritual battle, one that calls for courage, clear thinking, and most of all, clear speaking in an age of meaningless words, arguments, and philosophical disorientation.
My fear stopped me from speaking out because our world is locked in an angry, intolerant, horrible, and deadly nightmare driven by a spiritual cancer claiming disingenuously to be a unified oneness, a humanistic world view that worships a God-less human potentiality where all apparently less important beliefs, such as one’s personal religion, are acceptable and equal in both value and authenticity. This has the practical meaning that we can believe nothing with any integrity. If you believe something, you must act on that belief. Yet, if you act on it, you offend those believing differently. Therefore, in this secular humanistic paradigm, you must not act on it, which means you may not really believe it. This imprisoning dogma of the modern mind is pontificated throughout the secular world while it simultaneously denies the true and freeing dogma of enlightened religion, namely, that of the Roman Catholic Church. All of this is in the name of encouraging man to a radical individuality, a rebellion God never intended for him, and one by which he cannot survive and from which he is dying, he and all his children. That makes me afraid.
Furthermore, I was afraid because this spiritual cancer is a violent curse on modern man of his own doing; though, he usually will reject that notion. It is the fruit especially of the secular enlightenment alongside the kindred religious and spiritual revolutions that consumed Western Civilization over the past five hundred years and of which (this being particularly frightening to speak at dinner parties) Protestantism itself is a child, an incendiary device shattering Christendom, which ultimately ignited many of the historical and on-going firestorms of religious and philosophical skepticism. Nothing justifies the carnage and destruction of Christendom that began in the Protestant Revolution.
I was afraid because the spiritual disease of which I speak took full hold as a mature malignancy over the past few centuries and is a vulgar, prideful, militant, bloodthirsty moral rebellion that seeks to make religion irrelevant by making all things relative. Its influence is a personal, incarnate evil who directly and violently opposes the Good God as demonstrated in Our Lord’s crucifixion, yet who Christ binds helplessly as the eternal loser in this spiritual battle by proof of the resurrection. This incarnate evil seeks further to destroy the human race and will, as he has done in the past, seek to silence, hurt, incarcerate, and even kill those who oppose him through his influence on man’s spirit and actions. The evil one’s current spirit of treachery combines a smoke screen of feel-good relativism with a radical individualism, called freedom by its proponents, that seeks to make man his own god who can decide for himself what is right and wrong and who lowers the dignity of all people through a powerless and superficial philosophy of egalitarianism.
This has the same effect as cutting down all the trees in a forest because those who have usurped power in the new civilization believe that they all should be equal. The ultimate aim of this illegitimate philosophical and spiritual movement is the destruction of that very same Holy Roman Catholic Church, she who holds the keys to the kingdom of God on earth and who is the body of Christ.
The consequence, then, of my fear to speak with forthright clarity of the objective truths of my faith is that I was a poor and unreliable steward of my most precious treasures, those coming from the tradition and authority of the Roman Church. These treasures of grace freed me from spiritual slavery and brought me physical healing, unspeakable joy, a true grasp of reason, and the hope of eternal beatitude in the presence of that unspeakably great God.
Even without those very compelling reasons noted above, there is yet a still more significant reason that I must tell it. Very simply, a pain inside of me will not let go until I do tell it. This pain is the loving fire that must go forth into the world I previously described. Without responding to this compelling force, I easily could be one who starts as the salt of the earth but then loses his flavor and therefore is of no use to anyone and trampled underfoot. (Matthew 5:13) I will clarify this by telling you exactly how it is that God inflicts this pain of love on me.
A number of parables in scripture make me uneasy. The particularly painful parable that causes me the most grief and the one by which our Lord stares through my soul concerns the three servants who receive talents from their master. (Matthew 25: 14-30) One receives five talents, and he does well with them, returning double the amount to his master. The second receives two doing just as well with a fine return. The third, however, receives only one talent and does nothing with it – for fear! Of what he is afraid, I really am not sure, but that makes this parable all the more characteristic of me. This servant simply hands the original gift back to the master! Our master in the story is not at all pleased with number three. The master sends the poor soul to Hades where he wails and gnashes his teeth.
No doubt this troublesome ending makes a very good point as the story stands, but if I were to add my own twist and ask what you think would happen if that fellow with five talents had produced no results, would you not think the parable even more sorrowful and distressful? Would it not be even more discomforting? Now you may be starting to understand the nature of my acute pain. God blessed me with a vast number of gifts, a treasury! However, I did so little with them. In this, I truly have a fear of the Lord; though, the fear of the Lord is a good thing and a sure sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit. This very grace is at the root of my crawling out to the world in order to demonstrate some sort of courage for the Lord.
In summary, then, I write for love, that very same love of God and mankind now demanding to burst forth into the world like creation did burst forth in brilliant color and fire in the beginning of time and in the same way that each day the sunlight must burst forth struggling to bring light out of the darkness.